Small Finds Readers' panel: Chapter One

Comments on Small Finds Chapter One.

I really liked it! I think the balance between the descriptive prose and the conversations is just right, and I like the humour in the writing too. It is an engaging first few pages too- I'd keep reading! The only thing I wondered about was the first conversation between Marco and Rose- the bit of banter about taking the car vs walking seemed a bit unlikely to be followed by the sense of urgency from Rose in telling him about the body.

I'm really enjoying reading it, so I guess that's feedback number one.  Lots of nice little touches in there too, like 'expression somewhere between exasperation and exasperation'... Also like the cliff-hangers at the end of each section... Picky as I am, there are a couple of things!  Again, these are just my opinion and so don't feel you have to take any of them on board! 
Firstly, I've only ever known 'dapper' applied to men, and a quick look on thesaurus.com shows this: dapper adjective (only ever used with reference to men, not women) so, perhaps another adjective here would work better (unless again, there's some other context I'm unaware of!) I also thought there might be a comma too many here - I've bracketed the bit that I think you could lose to perhaps make it read more smoothly:
She was walking from the town library, where she worked, to the Post Office in the
centre of the town [, because she needed] to post a package, when a man stepped out in
front of her and she almost ...

I have only skim read the first 4 pages but I find the dialogue on the first 2 pages means its quite difficult to get into it straight away, it's a bit he said, she said.  I find the writing style of the 2nd 2 pages much easier to get into and more interesting - but it might just be me! Maybe you could flip these two sections so that the one about the detectives is second - or will that ruin the rest of the flow?

  I like the descriptive writing, but one thing - it is set in the UK isn't it? I think you should use car park rather than parking lot!!

I really like it. I'm keen to read more to find out what happens so that's grand! 

- the female detective constable, just wanted to check it was deliberate to call here 'rose bush '? Am sure itis,  but just in case not!  

- then very minor thoughts, 

Wondered whether 'the ' before capital H High Street was needed, or if it looked easier to drop the 'the ' or the capitals? And when you introduce Alan the first time, I wondered if you didn't need his surname,  as this surname is then given un the next para,  a bit like when you introduce rose,  by first name, and then use the surname the next time.

Ends